Really? It sure doesn’t feel like it a lot of the time when you’re navigating a Long Covid or ME/CFS recovery journey. So why is this quote important?
The quote is from the book “Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art” by James Nestor. It’s an excellent book that I’d highly recommend (the audiobook, which is what I first used) is also excellent). The quote that actually jumped out the most for me at the time was “You are the pilot, not the passenger” - ironic really, because I’d never felt like more of a passenger in my own life than when I first had Long Covid!
Why does this metaphor matter?
The Passenger is passive, reactive, possibly uncertain, being taken along, on someone else's timetable.
The Pilot is intentional, responsive, grounded. Have you ever met a pilot? Or heard one speak. They have this way of making us feel safe even when the plane feels really bumpy!
The reality is that recovery isn’t linear. And sometimes, it feels like the plane is flying itself — or worse, stalling. I definitely had moments in my own recovery that felt like freefall.
But let's reframe control:
Being the pilot doesn’t mean forcing outcomes. It means choosing how you respond, how you pace, and what you prioritise.
How to reclaim agency in your own recovery?
Here are 4 gentle ways to reclaim your role as pilot rather than passenger.
- Micro-agency
Start small.
Choose one small thing each day that feels nourishing — a breath, a sound, a word. Maybe it's time with a supportive loved one. Getting some good food, hydrating well. Intentional rest.
Start with something small and practical. Be consistent with it.
- Sensory grounding
Tune into what’s around you. Waves, birdsong, warmth, smells.
Whether you spend most of your day horizontal or you're up and about, the senses are an amazing tool for our nervous system.
I have a sensory grounding practise on my Insight Timer (here) that takes you gently through the 5 4 3 2 1 technique.
- Rewriting your inner script
The way we speak to ourselves influences our actions and behaviours. And those behaviours are what helps us to make progress (or become stuck).
We listen to ourselves more than anyone else! So be intentional about the way you speak to yourself. Catch yourself and reframe when your internal chatter is hindering rather than helping.
Instead of ‘I’m stuck,’ try ‘I’m pausing.’ Instead of ‘I’m broken,’ try ‘I’m healing or recalibrating.’
- Boundaries as navigation
Saying no is a flight correction. Saying yes to rest is a landing gear.
Boundaries are what protect ourselves and our energy. I see boundaries as a way of committing to and respecting myself. Of recognising and meeting my own needs.
Boundaries can be hard at first and require practise, but are incredibly liberating!
What to do if you slip back into passenger mode?
This happens - you have a setback, something stressful happens. Often these things are outwith your control. Or maybe you misjudged something - that’s ok, that’s how you learn.
- Let’s normalise setbacks. They are part of the recovery journey. It's frustrating but I've never met anyone who recovered without setbacks and dips. Even pilots hit turbulence.
- Soften into this moment, even if you don’t understand it. It’s tempting to analyse everything, but can you allow yourself to just be?
- Offer yourself a gentle re-entry: Ask yourself: “What’s one thing I can choose right now?” - return to your micro-agency strategies.
Who is co-piloting your plane?
Are they supporting your journey? Are they snoozing on the job? Or are they handing you water and snacks when you need, and helping you navigate? Do you need a new co-pilot? Or maybe they need a little training and re-direction!
Hear the full episode here
Links:
- The Long Covid Podcast: www.LongCovidPodcast.com
- Breathing for Long Covid & ME/CFS: www.LongCovidBreathing.com
- Free breathing tracks on Insight Timer: www.InsightTimer.com/LongCovidPod
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